I am lame.

and It takes every ounce of being inside of me and strength from above to stay seated in my chair right now and "get to work" instead of just walking out, driving home, and getting back into bed, and staying there all day being self indulgent and self loathing and self pitying.

"work is whack" Steve Huber said.

I wonder silently to myself. But why, WHY!? Why can't I fix it. I whine and complain and drag my feet.

Is the phrase "work is whack" one of those Christian paradox? I think it may be. To say that work is imperfect, bad, difficult, "whack." is true. However if we apprpach work with the right amount of contentment, joy, attitude...etc....then we enjoy our work even when it is whack and in that way work is no longer whack.

I have a fear of failure. I could blame that on my Father, but why bother. What does that prove? Nothing. It pushes the blame of my shortcomings off of me and onto him. It makes him the failure and me the innocent.

I need to own my shortcomings and wear them proudly instead of hiding them in a corner.

But I don't think that is right either. Should we wear our failures proudly?


I am being too philosophical for this early in the morning.

Right now I want nothing more than to get into bed with BK and do absolutely nothing but fall asleep next to one another.

That is not going to happen for awhile....right now I have to go add numbers together.