I do not know if I mentioned the fact that I decided to go with the j crew gown I got on sale a while back. Here it is...
My Wedding Dress
I am still looking for some kind of wrap, sweater, shawl thing to wear with it though.
I am amazed by the fact that I am getting married in just about two weeks. BK and I chatted about it the other night...we both agreed that it has snuck up on us. For so long it seemed like forever until we would be married. Now it is all happening so fast.
Craziness.
27 September 2007
26 September 2007
One of them
Even though I dislike my job a great deal and feel like it is going to hell in a hand basket and am at times pretty darn upset with my boss'....I am well liked. I dislike the fact that I am well liked because i fear it makes my peer co worker upset with me. I cannot help it that I am well liked and she struggles to feel like she is also liked and appreciated. I am nice to my peer- co worker and we bitch together about our superiors...
Is this wierd? I do not want to give in to the cut throat- survival of the fittest kind of attitude that is encouraged in this business.
I cannot help that I am good at my job and perhaps better than others at their job. Should I do worse at work so that my peer co workers like me? Do I sound arrogant? I sound arrogant.
Complex.
Is this wierd? I do not want to give in to the cut throat- survival of the fittest kind of attitude that is encouraged in this business.
I cannot help that I am good at my job and perhaps better than others at their job. Should I do worse at work so that my peer co workers like me? Do I sound arrogant? I sound arrogant.
Complex.
24 September 2007
It took me all of one second to want to leave work after I walked in. It was a real treat to be greeted with a hissy fit- "Someone stole my f-ing lightbulb."
It is only 19 days till the wedding and it makes me a lot excited and a little sad. I cannot believe it is happening. I am not ready.
I'm ready, but in a sense I am not. I wanted to have a break- take a breather. I wanted to "be in shape." I wanted to look and feel my best.
But right now I feel very out of sorts.
I hate my job. I hate hate hate it. I am going to go cry about it.
It is only 19 days till the wedding and it makes me a lot excited and a little sad. I cannot believe it is happening. I am not ready.
I'm ready, but in a sense I am not. I wanted to have a break- take a breather. I wanted to "be in shape." I wanted to look and feel my best.
But right now I feel very out of sorts.
I hate my job. I hate hate hate it. I am going to go cry about it.
21 September 2007
I keep getting these e-mails from Murtha's in Kansas. I suppose they have confused my email address with a relative of their's. I really really enjoy them. Here's a great one I got today.
(no subject) Inbox
| ||||||||||||
 | from |  | "jymurtha@netzero.net" | hide details | 1:46 pm (3 minutes ago) | |||||||
| to |  | brendan.murtha@gmail.com, dmurtha56@hotmail.com, emurtha@gmail.com, Lorraine@eldoradowater.com, matthew.j.murtha@lmco.com, ymurtha@gmail.com | ||||||||||
| date | Sep 21, 2007 1:46 PM | |||||||||||
| mailed-by | netzero.net | |||||||||||
Reply to all
Forward
Daddy will be retiring early, very early, according to his own calculations. The office is making plans for the auspicious occasion. There will be dinner in KS on Tuesday Oct 23 at Buck Di Beppotime, time 5;:45pm.. This is an Italian resturant one bl north of the plaza. Reason for this, so persons from Omaha and Chicago can get in on the fun. There is a Hampton inn close by. Dec is the real blowout, dinner and roast, wouldn't you like to be there then, in Whichita. This will be in Dec in Old Town. Daddy and I know that timing and distance are an issue. Not sure of the time of the Wicita one, probably the week of the tenth since dad is planning on being in new orleans the week before, new assignment. All of this is top secret, NO EMAILING and schedualed for employes conveneance. Now that I have probably made you feel obliged I want to say, thiis is really just to keep everyone in the know. Those close by may want to consider. We will just have to have a big DQ cake over Christmas holiday. What do you think? Hve to close before I get kicked off. Let me know anything by phone if you would. Love, MOM. Hope your Dad and I can learn to live together peacfully. It's about time for the shad in the back yard to be reperposed, don't you think? I supposed I could learn to make do. Love
18 September 2007
The majority of the invites are out in the mail- soon to be arriving. A few our still waiting on confirmed address and the like. Now the drama can begin- who will call me and yell at me because I did not invite them?
I hope no one.
It is cold. I hope it warms up again before the wedding day. Otherwise my dress will not matter- because I will be wearing a parka overtop of it. I doubt it will be that bad....but I am looking into a nice sweater to wear at the reception in case it gets chilly as he sun goes down.
I think I am going to go with the dress I bought a long time ago from J.Crew. It was on sale- and I bought it just cause. I like it- but it is hard to tell if I love it- because it is sooooo baggy on me. It needs major alterations. Plus- it needs a really fantastic slip. Both of those extras cost more money. Good news though- I only spent $99.00 on the dress.
Love.
I hope no one.
It is cold. I hope it warms up again before the wedding day. Otherwise my dress will not matter- because I will be wearing a parka overtop of it. I doubt it will be that bad....but I am looking into a nice sweater to wear at the reception in case it gets chilly as he sun goes down.
I think I am going to go with the dress I bought a long time ago from J.Crew. It was on sale- and I bought it just cause. I like it- but it is hard to tell if I love it- because it is sooooo baggy on me. It needs major alterations. Plus- it needs a really fantastic slip. Both of those extras cost more money. Good news though- I only spent $99.00 on the dress.
Love.
17 September 2007
I am lame.
and It takes every ounce of being inside of me and strength from above to stay seated in my chair right now and "get to work" instead of just walking out, driving home, and getting back into bed, and staying there all day being self indulgent and self loathing and self pitying.
"work is whack" Steve Huber said.
I wonder silently to myself. But why, WHY!? Why can't I fix it. I whine and complain and drag my feet.
Is the phrase "work is whack" one of those Christian paradox? I think it may be. To say that work is imperfect, bad, difficult, "whack." is true. However if we apprpach work with the right amount of contentment, joy, attitude...etc....then we enjoy our work even when it is whack and in that way work is no longer whack.
I have a fear of failure. I could blame that on my Father, but why bother. What does that prove? Nothing. It pushes the blame of my shortcomings off of me and onto him. It makes him the failure and me the innocent.
I need to own my shortcomings and wear them proudly instead of hiding them in a corner.
But I don't think that is right either. Should we wear our failures proudly?
I am being too philosophical for this early in the morning.
Right now I want nothing more than to get into bed with BK and do absolutely nothing but fall asleep next to one another.
That is not going to happen for awhile....right now I have to go add numbers together.
and It takes every ounce of being inside of me and strength from above to stay seated in my chair right now and "get to work" instead of just walking out, driving home, and getting back into bed, and staying there all day being self indulgent and self loathing and self pitying.
"work is whack" Steve Huber said.
I wonder silently to myself. But why, WHY!? Why can't I fix it. I whine and complain and drag my feet.
Is the phrase "work is whack" one of those Christian paradox? I think it may be. To say that work is imperfect, bad, difficult, "whack." is true. However if we apprpach work with the right amount of contentment, joy, attitude...etc....then we enjoy our work even when it is whack and in that way work is no longer whack.
I have a fear of failure. I could blame that on my Father, but why bother. What does that prove? Nothing. It pushes the blame of my shortcomings off of me and onto him. It makes him the failure and me the innocent.
I need to own my shortcomings and wear them proudly instead of hiding them in a corner.
But I don't think that is right either. Should we wear our failures proudly?
I am being too philosophical for this early in the morning.
Right now I want nothing more than to get into bed with BK and do absolutely nothing but fall asleep next to one another.
That is not going to happen for awhile....right now I have to go add numbers together.
14 September 2007
Saving money here and not, definetly not there
So the invitations are almost done!!! YAY! We finished them Wednesday night with a lot of help from our buddy JC (not Jesus, Christ, although he helps too). We got them printed at Kinkos on plain cardstock. It cost 52.00 for the black and white double sided print- and the 150 envelopes. I think they are cute. Super simple- but nice.
Now we just have to cut them out- decided to do that ourselves to save a few dollars. So I am going to steal the paper cutter from work and do that tonight. Then we have to address the envelopes and throw them in the mail.
I am glad to have saved a lot of money there because I am not saving money in many other areas.
We've decided to go with this one caterer who also handles all of your equipment rentals. They do your catering but also kind of do the event coordinating. They get all the equipment rentals, help you do the layout, etc. It makes it a little easier- you are dealing with one guy as apposed to ten.
My Mom has not pressured me a lot to go fancier- but I have felt her pulling me in that direction. She would rather pay people to ensure we have a good time instead of doing it all ourselves. I've let her pull me, but I am worried about how much this is going to cost. She is fine with spending a lot of money on this "once in a lifetime" event. My Dad just grimaces and then says okay.
We'll see. I am going to try and keep it reined in and keep it informal.
Now we just have to cut them out- decided to do that ourselves to save a few dollars. So I am going to steal the paper cutter from work and do that tonight. Then we have to address the envelopes and throw them in the mail.
I am glad to have saved a lot of money there because I am not saving money in many other areas.
We've decided to go with this one caterer who also handles all of your equipment rentals. They do your catering but also kind of do the event coordinating. They get all the equipment rentals, help you do the layout, etc. It makes it a little easier- you are dealing with one guy as apposed to ten.
My Mom has not pressured me a lot to go fancier- but I have felt her pulling me in that direction. She would rather pay people to ensure we have a good time instead of doing it all ourselves. I've let her pull me, but I am worried about how much this is going to cost. She is fine with spending a lot of money on this "once in a lifetime" event. My Dad just grimaces and then says okay.
We'll see. I am going to try and keep it reined in and keep it informal.
12 September 2007
Mafia Connections
"Just keep in mind that besides the groom, the pics are the only thing you will be taking away with you from the wedding for the rest of your life."
-High School "friend"
She spent 4 grand on the albums alone. They are being made in Italy as we speak. I wonder if she heard that line somewhere- or if she wrote it herself. It's a good line. If I were a wedding photog that would be my pitch. I did not get invited to her wedding- but I saw the pictures (oh- that sounds like a good slogan too). Her wedding was small and intimate, but I bet it still cost at least 10 grand.
I'm conflicted....still. I have so much anger and frustration bottled inside of me from work and it leaks out onto the wedding plans and is directed towards Benjamin. I need to resolve this work situation before the next month becomes truly unbearable.
-High School "friend"
She spent 4 grand on the albums alone. They are being made in Italy as we speak. I wonder if she heard that line somewhere- or if she wrote it herself. It's a good line. If I were a wedding photog that would be my pitch. I did not get invited to her wedding- but I saw the pictures (oh- that sounds like a good slogan too). Her wedding was small and intimate, but I bet it still cost at least 10 grand.
I'm conflicted....still. I have so much anger and frustration bottled inside of me from work and it leaks out onto the wedding plans and is directed towards Benjamin. I need to resolve this work situation before the next month becomes truly unbearable.
11 September 2007
You f-in beat that f-in bitch.
work is work. it makes me want to swear and punch someone in the face. it is not healthy. i need to not get so fired up.
work is work. i'll punch my pillow at night instead.
love.
work is work. i'll punch my pillow at night instead.
love.
10 September 2007
Yesterday was the big bad bridal shower. It was nice- it was just really strange for me to process the situation. I suppose I have pictured myself in that situation before...but it was still hard to grasp that I was there and people were playing a game where they had to answer questions like-"How much time went by where EM thought BK would propose and did not?"
Answer: 1 year.
It's been a strange few months....and it will continue to be such for awhile still. I keep saying and meaning more and more- "I can't wait for the honeymoon." I'll say it again- "I really can't wait for the honeymoon." I want a vacation. A time to rest, and process everything. A time to be happy. A time to spend time with BK and not be bogged down with worry, or stress, or life.
the wedding is coming together- but I fear not in a way I envisioned. I envisioned an airy open barn with a loft. I pictured picnic tables- dressed up with table clothes, candles, and flowers. I had a lovely long dress that I can't imagine a clear picture of- but trust me- I look amazing. There are strings of lights hanging from the rafters. There are big tin basins filled with ice and beer and a manly men standing behind grills- cookin the best tasting BBQ Cornish hens ever. All my family and friends are there- it feels full, but not crowded and impersonal. The large barn doors open to a wide ever expanding field with a mountain and a sunset in the distance.
I never got that barn- and I never got picnic tables. Then I found out how much everything cost. From then on it just kind of faded.
Don't get me wrong- I am really happy with our current location. I love it. It is everything else- once my "vision" faded I had a hard time deciding what to do.
I think though that I am starting to regain some of it. I am starting to regain some energy and desire towards the wedding day plans. But now- I am having trouble making time to devote to the plans.
I need a dress. I need to re focus my energies into finding a dress. I must find that dress. Too bad this coming Saturday I will be attending a wedding instead of having time to plan my own wedding.
I'll try and make time. I'll try and find that dress.
Answer: 1 year.
It's been a strange few months....and it will continue to be such for awhile still. I keep saying and meaning more and more- "I can't wait for the honeymoon." I'll say it again- "I really can't wait for the honeymoon." I want a vacation. A time to rest, and process everything. A time to be happy. A time to spend time with BK and not be bogged down with worry, or stress, or life.
the wedding is coming together- but I fear not in a way I envisioned. I envisioned an airy open barn with a loft. I pictured picnic tables- dressed up with table clothes, candles, and flowers. I had a lovely long dress that I can't imagine a clear picture of- but trust me- I look amazing. There are strings of lights hanging from the rafters. There are big tin basins filled with ice and beer and a manly men standing behind grills- cookin the best tasting BBQ Cornish hens ever. All my family and friends are there- it feels full, but not crowded and impersonal. The large barn doors open to a wide ever expanding field with a mountain and a sunset in the distance.
I never got that barn- and I never got picnic tables. Then I found out how much everything cost. From then on it just kind of faded.
Don't get me wrong- I am really happy with our current location. I love it. It is everything else- once my "vision" faded I had a hard time deciding what to do.
I think though that I am starting to regain some of it. I am starting to regain some energy and desire towards the wedding day plans. But now- I am having trouble making time to devote to the plans.
I need a dress. I need to re focus my energies into finding a dress. I must find that dress. Too bad this coming Saturday I will be attending a wedding instead of having time to plan my own wedding.
I'll try and make time. I'll try and find that dress.
07 September 2007
UGH...
I'm upset. I am so glad it is Friday.
Right now- more than ever I cannot wait for the honeymoon. Not only for obvious reasons, but because it will be a vacation- a time of rest. A time for BK and I to just hang out without work or responsibility or other stuff getting in the way.
I cannot wait to relax. I will not want to re join the real world.
UGH. I hate work today.
Work put me in a bad mood, but also this hapene...
I was very much looking forward to my weekend plans. I was going to have a day off and so would BK. We would go to the HSS Saturday morning and maybe find some cool things for the apartment. Then we would finish the invitations. Then we would say our lovey goodbyes. Then I would go home for the remaining weekend time and enjoy my Bridal Shower and be able to spend some time with my sisters and Mommy talking wedding plans. Then I would painfully make the treck home and start the work week all over.
Now...Ben is working all weekend. I know he does not want to, but he is...
I have to re- arrange. I get to do all the same stuff....but not with BK.
Right now- more than ever I cannot wait for the honeymoon. Not only for obvious reasons, but because it will be a vacation- a time of rest. A time for BK and I to just hang out without work or responsibility or other stuff getting in the way.
I cannot wait to relax. I will not want to re join the real world.
UGH. I hate work today.
Work put me in a bad mood, but also this hapene...
I was very much looking forward to my weekend plans. I was going to have a day off and so would BK. We would go to the HSS Saturday morning and maybe find some cool things for the apartment. Then we would finish the invitations. Then we would say our lovey goodbyes. Then I would go home for the remaining weekend time and enjoy my Bridal Shower and be able to spend some time with my sisters and Mommy talking wedding plans. Then I would painfully make the treck home and start the work week all over.
Now...Ben is working all weekend. I know he does not want to, but he is...
I have to re- arrange. I get to do all the same stuff....but not with BK.
06 September 2007
Frazzled.
So my boss has chosen to sit right at the corner of my desk. It is wigging me out. So much so that I am now using the phrase "wigging me out." I like her- she's great and all. It just wigs me out.
I am sorry to not be writing more about the wedding and how excited I am and how much I can't wait...blah blah blah girly stuff. I have not had the time to really dwell on those thoughts. My mind is too cluttered to focus in on any one feeling.
I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with the planning. I am not enjoying it as much I thought I would. Some of this I know why, some I don't. I've handed over a lot of things to my sister and Mom. I very much appreciate their help. But I wish I was home with them- and not having to work. Then I could hang out with them a lot, and do nothing but plan and think about the wedding, and be girly all I want.
Yesterday JB asked me "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being most excited, how excited are you to get married?"
My answer (I think I said these- JB tell me if I am remembering incorrectly):
The actual wedding ceremony: 7.5
Honeymoon: 9.5
Real Life Post Wedding: 10
I'd like to be a 10 on all fronts.
I am sorry to not be writing more about the wedding and how excited I am and how much I can't wait...blah blah blah girly stuff. I have not had the time to really dwell on those thoughts. My mind is too cluttered to focus in on any one feeling.
I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with the planning. I am not enjoying it as much I thought I would. Some of this I know why, some I don't. I've handed over a lot of things to my sister and Mom. I very much appreciate their help. But I wish I was home with them- and not having to work. Then I could hang out with them a lot, and do nothing but plan and think about the wedding, and be girly all I want.
Yesterday JB asked me "On a scale of 1-10, 10 being most excited, how excited are you to get married?"
My answer (I think I said these- JB tell me if I am remembering incorrectly):
The actual wedding ceremony: 7.5
Honeymoon: 9.5
Real Life Post Wedding: 10
I'd like to be a 10 on all fronts.
03 September 2007
I have not been writing much- I think because there has just been so much going on hat I cannot process it and put it down in a cohesive manor. I do not have the time to sit and decide what of all the craziness I want to focus in on.
Things are happening. They are a little out of control. I have an orange kitchen.
Things are happening. They are a little out of control. I have an orange kitchen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)