The end?

I think I should maybe stop this blog.

Most of the time I just want to write depressing posts.

It prevents me from keeping a real journal where Iw rite on real paper.

I do not use it to keep in touch with people like I used to- that's what facebook is for now.

I do not yet feel ready to post things of value.

It lacks purpose. I began it to channel some thoughts when I was planning my wedding- and I've been married a whole year already.

I cannot write anything meaningful because I have come to fear who may find it.

Yes. I think I may stop.

I will let the idea sit for a little while and see what happens.

My blog was too depressing, so I updated.

I want to be a morning person.
I want to be a runner.
I want to be a lot of things.

I am currently enjoying yoga- and trying to make it my own.

I am currently enjoying photography and trying to improve.

I have too short an attention span and lack perseverance and endurance. I would like to improve upon these matters.

Back to Reality

This past week and a half were exhausting, but wonderful. I felt many wonderful things. Camping with my husband was awesome. Monica and Bill's wedding was spectacular and I am so happy for them.

Today it was back to Philadelphia and back to reality. I have a job interview in about 45 minutes. I have yet to do anything to prepare except have sex with my husband. How was that preperation? Well- it helped cheer me up a bit. Earlier today I recieved an e-mail that put me in a very bad mood. I wrote someone about a job and they replied, "I'm ALWAYS looking out for you. My BIG boss from LA wanted a seasoned, grade A secretary..." I was not hired- so what they were saying is I am always looking out for you but my boss wanted this and since I did not ask you- that must not be you. What am I- a piece of steak? Those dots were included in the e-mail. What does that man? I suppose if I was not chosen then I must not be grade A. Does anyone else find this a terribly insensitive thing to say? It hurt my feelings a lot and I am truly unsure how to respond. I know this may seem confusing if you are not me...I am just venting.

I am trying to shake the depressed feeling of rejection before I go to this interview. My self esteem is wounded. If I am rejected at this interview I don't know what I'll do...probably melt into a puddle.

I am not good at handling rejection.