Go Pirates!

I've been thinking a lot about marriage. This is due to two reasons:

#1 Reason: A good friend is getting married soon.
#2 Reason: I am approaching my one year anniversary.

BK and I are going away for a few days this week to enjoy some time alone together (b/c we need it) and to have some early celebration time for our one year anniversary. I have been thinking about the celebration and wondering how I feel about our marriage one year down the road. It is easy for me to just float through life and not stop to think - "Hey- how are things going?" This is dangerous- because that's how people get divorced. They wake up one day and think- who is this person, do I love them? Life is about constant vigilance! Constant awareness and communication.

In general I have been spending a lot of time processing my current stage in life- love, marriage, career, God, faith- all of it and everything.

I need to attack life- I feel the need for a game plan. I feel the need to research, evaluate, and then create a plan of attack. But is that really how life should be?

I feel like I've been smacked in the face and shouted at: "What do you think!?" With such an aggressive approach I have first cowered in a corner, hidden my face, and tried to avoid the answers. I am slowly crawling out of the corner, standing up and trying to answer.

But I cannot just wait till I have the answer to live- this is something I have struggled with for a long time. You cannot sit and wait for the answer to live- you just have to live.

There is so much I want to do and learn and fix and try and be and I just am so impatient.

These journal entries never end up how I intend them...

I just wanted to say that for the past month or so I keep looking at that wedding dress hanging in the closet and wanting to try it on again. I would put it on- stand in front of my mirror and for a second I could turn my mind back one year and wonder- if I did it all again- would I change a single thing?

That gives me a good idea....

Our bed broke for a second time. note to self: advise newleyweds to invest in sturdy bed.

I am feeling a little bit depressed. It happens from time to time...usually when I am not working steadily. It also usually happens when I think to much. I was talking to BK about it last night and he said that you cannot let thoughts stir in your head too long. You have to either think it and then take action or think it and dismiss it. I do not know if that is true, but I do know that often I personally need to think and then take action. Usually my depression comes from a discontentment or dissatisfaction with a particular something. If this is the case- I need to address the issue head on and then be done with it. Trouble is that somethings take time to address and I am also impatient.

Right now I am feeling really depressed about a job I am doing the next couple days. For various reasons the job and why I am doing the job is really bothering me. I just keep feeling so angry. I am trying to remind myself the job is only for two days.

I am trying to just think- get through these two days and then you get to come home and go to the party Friday night...friends at a party...fun...celebration...friends...love. Then I remind myself that this time next week BK will begin one week and a half of NO WORK! This is extremely exciting because we have not had a solid amount of time alone in SOOOO long. We are going to have a couple days in Philly to enjoy. I might convince him to go to yoga with me once. Maybe we will go shopping, maybe we will just sit around and relax. Maybe we just stay in bed all day. Then we are going to go to MD and head out with his fam to visit his sister at college. Then we are going to go away for our 1 year anniversary (a week or two early). We are going to camp- and sleep in a tent, and make a fire, and it will be awesome! Then we are going to return to MD and it will be time for Monica's wedding!! That is going to one exciting awesome time.

So...see...I just have to get through two stupid days of work and then I get near two weeks of awesome good times.

YES!

Lance Armstrong returns!!!

READ IT HERE!

If he does it- it will be amazing. IF he does not do it, it will be humiliating and disapointing and sad sad sad. He went out on top. If he returns only to go out not on top...well...like I said...

Lance Armstrong wins his eighth tour in 2009??? We shall see...

It begs the question- why can't people just quit when they are ahead? Interesting discussion to have...