Business Plans- made public.

As I have mentioned on here in the past I have been unsure about my current career path and wanted to try something new, specifically trying to launch a photo business, focused primarily on wedding photography. The more I think it over the more I think it is possible, and the small steps I have taken have gone well.

Here is my new plan going forward:

Step 1. Launch website. I have already begun a blog (not public yet), and am researching a website. Jared is making me a logo. I have begun to sort through images and gather a portfolio. I am shooting a wedding this weekend and hopefully will gain more images to use. I hope to have the blog public my Feb. 3rd and the website launched by mid March.

Step 2. After I have webspace I will get the word out and direct people to said web space. I hope to book another wedding. With the money from this wedding I will purchase a new camera body ( to be used at said wedding, duh). I hope to have this wedding be booked for sometime during the spring- which is risky b/c some of those weddings are already planned. This deadline is iffy for that reason.

Step 3. Continue growth of webspace with new wedding images, continue getting word out. Book ANOTHER wedding. With this money go to a workshop with a pro wedding photog and learn how to be awesomer. I hope to have the worskhop done by Fall- again deadline dependent on timing of weddings I can book,a nd timing of available workshops.

Step 4. Go to WPPI 2010 in Feb- be awesome.

Clearly, since I am intending to get jobs to cover each next planned investment I am making an attempt to front no money, less risky. I would appreciate prayer and encouragement. I will keep you updated, and will tell you when my new wedding photog blog is public. These plans are my plans, and I am trying to remember they may not be God's plans. As well, BK has applied for grad school. If he is accepted it will involve a huge move, a new start, and me with the responsibility of sole bread winner.

P.S-> Last night Benjamin and I played fun music, played around with my new SB800, backed up files from the old compy, and danced around the living room. I felt happier then I have in a long time.

Blast from the Past

I am cleaning the office, and came across one of my "memory boxes." As usual I could not resist diving inside. I found an object that was the source of great laughter back in the day. I immediatly sent a pic message of it to Kimberly (and would have to Monica if she had pic messaging). Monica...let's just say it was rainbow and had a circle at the end...remember?

I found one of my old journals. It is my end of high school up until I started college journal. Whenever I find this particular journal I skip to the end when I started dating Benjamin. Everything in the journal before that does not seem to matter.

I always read this and smile:

Cheerio317: he DOES joke an awful lot about having the hots for you
Lizzbyte: really? what has he said about me?
Cheerio 317: he always says that, "liz is sooo cute!" and about how he "really wants LIZ to come" to different things
Cheerio317: haha
Cheerio317: he always tells me I should invite you to things and that we should hang out with liz.
Cheerio317: haha
Cheerio317: do you think he's "cool"?
Cheerio317: cause in my personal opinion I think he has it for you in some way
Lizzbyte: aww. that's great. but it sucks at the same time. cause i like him alot-eeekk- i kinda have had the hots for him for quite some time! but i leave for school in like a week and all so it sucks that it is happening now.
Cheerio317: WHAT!?!?!?!
Cheerio317: really?!?!?!
Cheerio317: that's soooo awesome!
Cheerio317: b/c I just was trying not to spill my beans, but he likes you too!
Cheerio317: A LOT!
Cheerio317: haha


Oh gosh I love reading old high school aim chats...they are hilarious. the language of the way we used to talk is just sooooo awesome. Cheerio317, I love you. I will not emberass ourselves further by posting the rest of that chat.

I still have "the hots" for him...I MARRIED HIM!

I'm not good at doing the same job for a lengthy period of time, and by lengthy period of time I mean two months. I need change. I blame my upbringing.

School gave me a three month break every year- three months off to do whatever the heck I wanted! When I was actually in school we were on a quarter system- so every couple months I had new classes, a new schedule. When I went away to college I was at a colelge who not only had quarter systems, but also had a co-op program. My classes changed every 11 weeks, and for six motnhs I left school all together and worked. That job however-was NOT full time. I had a aprt time internship, and a part time job. This allowed for change and variety amidst the six month period. Once I left school I began working freelance- this allowed for lots of change all the time. I would do a job for a week, then not work, a new job another week, a nother new job, not work again, another new job. It was tough at times, but overall I very much enjoy the freetime while still being able to afford my bills (most of the time). I did have some lengthier jobs- and by lengthier I mean 4 months. Yet, even in those jobs the nature of the job allowed it to move through three stages (PRep, Shooting, Wrap) which allowed for a shift and change within the length of the job.

Now, at the age of 24.5, find myself faced with a job that requires me to work M-F, 10 hours a day. I have almost no days off to look forward to, and this job will not be over till July/ August. That's 6-7 months from NOW! I have only had the job 2 months (with a two week holiday hiatus) and I feel an itch for change ALREADY. The job is still, and will continue to be in the first stage for another couple months, then I will have to live through 3-4 months of shooting before I can look forward to wrap.

I do not know what to do with myself.

Adulthood, and this whole steady job thing is way over rated.

This is partialy why I want to be my own boss and start my own biz. I like the flexibility. I like the time off. I like doing my own thing.

I do enjoy my current job- I really really do. I just need to get over this hump...

Decisions, decisions.

I have been doing some research to find a good photo workshop that I could take. Well I found one that I want to take....

PROS:
- Taught by "One of the 10 best Wedding Photographers in the world."
- Taught both in studio, in NJ and on location in Philadelphia. (local- no expensive travel)
- Small class size- lots of attention from teacher
- Teacher is Nikon sponsored, so he shoots Nikon, so do I
- 2.5 Day concentrated class
- I have (almost) all needed equipment (body, short lens, long lens, flash)


Cons:
- Costs 1700 bucks (I hear it is such a good workshop that it is well worth double that price)
- Taught during the week- I'd need to ask off work.


I really would love to take a workshop like this. It's hard b/c a lot of them are taught during the week (because they shoot weddings on weekends, duh) and taking off work is difficult for me. I am scared to ask off work, and I do not know if it would be irresponsible, or reflect poorly on me to even ask. This workshop is given a few times a year so I could wait for another one....but I want to take it NOW.

Also- I do not know if I can afford/ should pay such a large price. I feel like it is a fair price, and worth it....but it is still a large price for my pocket. With that I could by a new computer, a new camera body, a new lens...so many things.

Also- I am a little hesitant b/c I always worry what if I am not good enough and I go and everyone is way better than me and the teacher hates me and I am the worst in the class. I would be crushed if during the critique I had the worst images. I am not good at humility. But at the same time, I would like to welcome the humility.

I do not know what to do. I need to act fast b/c there are only five spots left in the class. They will go fast, and if they are not gone in the enxt couple weeks they will surely be gone after that when the teach goes to the WPPI convention in Vegas.

Oh...what to do...

Goals/ Resolutions for 2009

1. Start a handwirtten journal
2. Improve my photography and expand business
3. Fix my typewriter/ Buy a new one
4. Finish and put into the practice more the book Celebration of Discipline
5. Pray more.
6. Grow my relationships with family/ friends more effectively
7. Stop wasting time
8. Organize my life
9. Start running
10. Eat Healthier

10 seems like enough...

Today I moved a large amount of money from our checking account to a savings account. I have never in my life had so much money in one account at one time. I did not come to this money on my own- it is the blessing of a few work details between BK and myself coming together at once. I think most of it is mine though- and I can thank the Pinata job for that. There are many things I WANT to do with such a large amount of money. There is an endless list of things I would want to buy including, a computer, a camera, another camera, a car (oh the joys of a new car), a new wardrobe, a cell phone that works (mine is broken- again!)...I could go on forever.

Do you know what we are going to do with this money once it grows a little more? It is all going to one place (we hope in early 2009).

I'll give you one guess.....are you thinking...did you get it? I bet you got it.

How do I feel about this? I feel accomplished, relieved, a tad hesitant/ unbelieving, and 40% depressed. Then I remind myself to feel more accomplished and thankful and I feel 0% depressed.

Oh money...I do not understand thee.

It's hard to quit cold trukey.

I do not really want to write here, but I am at work and sometimes at work I get the urge to use my little breaks in this manor. It has been a difficult couple of weeks. My husband has been working nights, and therefore I see him for about a half hour- hour in the morning as I get ready for work and he gets ready for bed and then again in the eveing but with the roles reversed. This means I have had few chances to talk and vent, and so I feel like I've got it all built up inside and need to get it out this second. So please forgive me as I download...

BK applied to grad school last week. We will not know if he is accepted until MArch or April of 2009. This wait and period of uncertaintly may kill me. I am not good at waiting, and not knowing. I hope it will be an opportunity to grow in patience.

I want to pray more. I have failed to build it into my life and my marriage and this is a serious matter I need to adress and have begun to address. Too much is going on for me to be lacking in this area.

I hope my husband gets into grad school. I am a bit jelous of his chance to do this. There is nothing physically stopping me from going to school of course- I just cannot accept the fact that it costs so much money. I can read books and learn new things and follow through on assignments, and seek out teachers and mentors ALL ON MY OWN for FREE (for the most part). Challenging myself to become a self motivated self taught learner would be better for me...I think.

I have begun to feel a desire to move. I want to move away and start somewhere new and start new things. Yet- at the same time, I will miss my home and friends, and family. This place is special to me. BUT still, I feel the need to be made uncombfortable, to be challeneged, to learn again what it is like to not know anyone and to survive.

I have been thinking semi- seriosly about starting my own business. Now- do not laugh, but I have been contemplating starting my own portrait/ wedding photog business. I do not think myself ready right now, but I think I could be. With some serious training and hard work I think I could and would enjoy this. I am commited to my current job until July. During this time I want to try and use my free time to pray about this, try small projects, maybe take some workshops, try and get a few assistant jobs. I constantly doubt whether I can do it, but I know I want to try. I have a hard time viewing my future with my current career path. When I try and see my future on this unchartered unknown career path I see it clearly. Dreaming is easy, and the grass is always greener on the other side...I know...I know...this is why I am not rushing. I have lots of time left in my current job and lots of time to take small steps and say big prayers.


I like the idea of being my own boss.


I miss my husband a lot.

I've been away, and not minded being away. I have only thought about a couple times and each time never with an urge or desire to write, or with any thought of what to write.

But today I thought, "Oh- I want to write that on my blog." I then thought, "Oh wait- I have stopped my blog."

I then thought about writing on facebook. I want to keep my internet outlets to a minimum. Then I thought- no. Even though my facebook profile is more privacy prtected then this blog it feels less safe. Which is so strange- to think that a public outlet on the internet can feel safe. I saw an example of this first hand this week. The job I am currently on has gotten a lot of public and media attention. There have been a lot of hurdles to climb, and meetings with the city, and police, and etc. Well the agency (who of course search the internet all the time for any buzz about the project) found a thread on a local blog with pictures, complaints, and all sorts of insider info on the project. It was very clear from the writing that it was a crew memeber and judging from what he was sayng it could only be a handful of people. Well- this made everyone very upset. I did some digging (not very deep) and found out this guy's wife also wrote on the blog. I found a two year old thread wishing this blogging couple a Happy Aniersary- now I knew their wedding date! The internet is so not safe.

With all of this said- today I felt like writing on the blog no matter what.

I want to turn over a new leaf. The past two weeks have been so jam packed I almost feel like it was months or years instead of days and weeks. In my effort to turn over a new leaf I really should be writing this in a handwritten pretty bound journal, but I am not. Oh well.

I start a new job tomorrow amd with it I hope to start many new habits.

My new job location is about 9 miles from my house. Public Transportation would require me to take a bus, then a train, then a shuttle, then walk. Driving the car every day for the length of the job is not really something BK or want, either. SO...I think I should ride my bike. It would get me in great shape and make me cooler. I am hesitant b/c I know that it is going to be painful- especially with the winter approaching. But when the job is over and it is summertime and I look kick ass on the beach you'll all be sorry.

I feel the need to start preparing for battle. I have said this before- but I feel it more and more. I feel the need to be challenged and made uncombfortable. I feel the need to shake things up and get in gear.

I am fearful and a wimp and terrified so hard I want to run run away. I know that is wrong. Riding my bike to work is kind of like a battle. It is a physical representation of the battle for me to change and improve. Hopefully as my outside gets in shape so will my insides.

If you see me please ask If I rode my bike to work and encourage me to do so if I say I did not.

I do not know if I will write again. If I do not, please do not be upset. Instead of reading me here, ask me questions in person. Or on the phone, or through e-mail, etc.

The end?

I think I should maybe stop this blog.

Most of the time I just want to write depressing posts.

It prevents me from keeping a real journal where Iw rite on real paper.

I do not use it to keep in touch with people like I used to- that's what facebook is for now.

I do not yet feel ready to post things of value.

It lacks purpose. I began it to channel some thoughts when I was planning my wedding- and I've been married a whole year already.

I cannot write anything meaningful because I have come to fear who may find it.

Yes. I think I may stop.

I will let the idea sit for a little while and see what happens.

My blog was too depressing, so I updated.

I want to be a morning person.
I want to be a runner.
I want to be a lot of things.

I am currently enjoying yoga- and trying to make it my own.

I am currently enjoying photography and trying to improve.

I have too short an attention span and lack perseverance and endurance. I would like to improve upon these matters.

Back to Reality

This past week and a half were exhausting, but wonderful. I felt many wonderful things. Camping with my husband was awesome. Monica and Bill's wedding was spectacular and I am so happy for them.

Today it was back to Philadelphia and back to reality. I have a job interview in about 45 minutes. I have yet to do anything to prepare except have sex with my husband. How was that preperation? Well- it helped cheer me up a bit. Earlier today I recieved an e-mail that put me in a very bad mood. I wrote someone about a job and they replied, "I'm ALWAYS looking out for you. My BIG boss from LA wanted a seasoned, grade A secretary..." I was not hired- so what they were saying is I am always looking out for you but my boss wanted this and since I did not ask you- that must not be you. What am I- a piece of steak? Those dots were included in the e-mail. What does that man? I suppose if I was not chosen then I must not be grade A. Does anyone else find this a terribly insensitive thing to say? It hurt my feelings a lot and I am truly unsure how to respond. I know this may seem confusing if you are not me...I am just venting.

I am trying to shake the depressed feeling of rejection before I go to this interview. My self esteem is wounded. If I am rejected at this interview I don't know what I'll do...probably melt into a puddle.

I am not good at handling rejection.

Go Pirates!

I've been thinking a lot about marriage. This is due to two reasons:

#1 Reason: A good friend is getting married soon.
#2 Reason: I am approaching my one year anniversary.

BK and I are going away for a few days this week to enjoy some time alone together (b/c we need it) and to have some early celebration time for our one year anniversary. I have been thinking about the celebration and wondering how I feel about our marriage one year down the road. It is easy for me to just float through life and not stop to think - "Hey- how are things going?" This is dangerous- because that's how people get divorced. They wake up one day and think- who is this person, do I love them? Life is about constant vigilance! Constant awareness and communication.

In general I have been spending a lot of time processing my current stage in life- love, marriage, career, God, faith- all of it and everything.

I need to attack life- I feel the need for a game plan. I feel the need to research, evaluate, and then create a plan of attack. But is that really how life should be?

I feel like I've been smacked in the face and shouted at: "What do you think!?" With such an aggressive approach I have first cowered in a corner, hidden my face, and tried to avoid the answers. I am slowly crawling out of the corner, standing up and trying to answer.

But I cannot just wait till I have the answer to live- this is something I have struggled with for a long time. You cannot sit and wait for the answer to live- you just have to live.

There is so much I want to do and learn and fix and try and be and I just am so impatient.

These journal entries never end up how I intend them...

I just wanted to say that for the past month or so I keep looking at that wedding dress hanging in the closet and wanting to try it on again. I would put it on- stand in front of my mirror and for a second I could turn my mind back one year and wonder- if I did it all again- would I change a single thing?

That gives me a good idea....

Our bed broke for a second time. note to self: advise newleyweds to invest in sturdy bed.

I am feeling a little bit depressed. It happens from time to time...usually when I am not working steadily. It also usually happens when I think to much. I was talking to BK about it last night and he said that you cannot let thoughts stir in your head too long. You have to either think it and then take action or think it and dismiss it. I do not know if that is true, but I do know that often I personally need to think and then take action. Usually my depression comes from a discontentment or dissatisfaction with a particular something. If this is the case- I need to address the issue head on and then be done with it. Trouble is that somethings take time to address and I am also impatient.

Right now I am feeling really depressed about a job I am doing the next couple days. For various reasons the job and why I am doing the job is really bothering me. I just keep feeling so angry. I am trying to remind myself the job is only for two days.

I am trying to just think- get through these two days and then you get to come home and go to the party Friday night...friends at a party...fun...celebration...friends...love. Then I remind myself that this time next week BK will begin one week and a half of NO WORK! This is extremely exciting because we have not had a solid amount of time alone in SOOOO long. We are going to have a couple days in Philly to enjoy. I might convince him to go to yoga with me once. Maybe we will go shopping, maybe we will just sit around and relax. Maybe we just stay in bed all day. Then we are going to go to MD and head out with his fam to visit his sister at college. Then we are going to go away for our 1 year anniversary (a week or two early). We are going to camp- and sleep in a tent, and make a fire, and it will be awesome! Then we are going to return to MD and it will be time for Monica's wedding!! That is going to one exciting awesome time.

So...see...I just have to get through two stupid days of work and then I get near two weeks of awesome good times.

YES!

Lance Armstrong returns!!!

READ IT HERE!

If he does it- it will be amazing. IF he does not do it, it will be humiliating and disapointing and sad sad sad. He went out on top. If he returns only to go out not on top...well...like I said...

Lance Armstrong wins his eighth tour in 2009??? We shall see...

It begs the question- why can't people just quit when they are ahead? Interesting discussion to have...

On a Roll...I call this one: "Owen's Story"

I love this little guy...

Flying.

As I may have shared with some people in real life, I have been once again feeling a pull towards photography. But what makes me want to make it a job and not just a hobby? I do not know- so I put myself to the test.

I volunteered to shoot a couples engagement photos. For the most part I very much enjoyed the shoot- spending time with them, getting to know them, directing them. Then came the editing....and boy did I drag myself through that. I am not sure if I just truly hate that part, or if I hate sitting at photoshop, or if I just hate photoshop because I do not know how to use it best to my advantage.

Either way- I am finally done! They are picking up the DVD of images (117) tonight. It was a good experience- I learned a lot from it. I do not know if I want to continue to pursue this kind of thing, but I do want to continue to try and keep learning more.

Here are what I think are my top ten...I think....if you are at all interested in seeing the rest let me know, but really these are the ones worth seeing. Let me know what you think. I gladly accept your worst/ best criticisms.

It's okay to be an ugly mammal

I want to be a sweet photog, but I am terribly impatient with photoshop. I constantly have to take short little breaks.

I have taken a VERY LARGE number of photos in August and am now playing catch up with photoshop.

I think out of the hundreds of photos I have taken this month that this is my favorite...he's just awesome and I love him....

Dad, I think I finally get it, and six years later it rings most true then and now.

"Now it is time to give you wings and kick you off the branch and see how well you fly. Some fly high, some fast, and some fly with style. Both eagles and hummingbirds are beautiful and useful but fly in very different ways. Neither can do what the other can do. Then there is the bat- an ugly mammal but able to fly with great style."

A new kind of work week

I find this article interesting. I hope that those effected, and the community are able to make the adjustment and find benefit in it the new hours. I think it is a fantastic idea. I wonder if it succeeds if other states will follow Utah's lead.

Keep an eye on that.

Do you Do you like dreaming of things so impossible or only the practical?

The Olympics are freakin awesome and I love them. I should add to my list of dreams- attending the Olympics. Next time they come to the US of A I am going to go!

I love all the dramatic video packages, and the back stories, and the close finishes, and the medal ceremonies, and the tears.

In the qualifying round of Womens Gymnastics one of the Chinese girls fell of the uneven bars and when she was done she came down and she was crying, and her team came to support her and it was so touching. It was a heartbreaking and touching Olympic Moment.



P.S. I still love listening to old Dashboard Confessional.