Go Pirates!

I've been thinking a lot about marriage. This is due to two reasons:

#1 Reason: A good friend is getting married soon.
#2 Reason: I am approaching my one year anniversary.

BK and I are going away for a few days this week to enjoy some time alone together (b/c we need it) and to have some early celebration time for our one year anniversary. I have been thinking about the celebration and wondering how I feel about our marriage one year down the road. It is easy for me to just float through life and not stop to think - "Hey- how are things going?" This is dangerous- because that's how people get divorced. They wake up one day and think- who is this person, do I love them? Life is about constant vigilance! Constant awareness and communication.

In general I have been spending a lot of time processing my current stage in life- love, marriage, career, God, faith- all of it and everything.

I need to attack life- I feel the need for a game plan. I feel the need to research, evaluate, and then create a plan of attack. But is that really how life should be?

I feel like I've been smacked in the face and shouted at: "What do you think!?" With such an aggressive approach I have first cowered in a corner, hidden my face, and tried to avoid the answers. I am slowly crawling out of the corner, standing up and trying to answer.

But I cannot just wait till I have the answer to live- this is something I have struggled with for a long time. You cannot sit and wait for the answer to live- you just have to live.

There is so much I want to do and learn and fix and try and be and I just am so impatient.

These journal entries never end up how I intend them...

I just wanted to say that for the past month or so I keep looking at that wedding dress hanging in the closet and wanting to try it on again. I would put it on- stand in front of my mirror and for a second I could turn my mind back one year and wonder- if I did it all again- would I change a single thing?

That gives me a good idea....