I need you so much closer...

I thought about the idea of eloping vs. a wedding. Here are my thoughts...

Although the idea of eloping is in some ways romantic, exciting, adventurous, and oh so tempting it also feels wrong to me. I think it feels wrong because I associate eloping with an unplanned pregnancy or running away because your family does not approve. I could get over those wrong assumptions enforced by culture. Yet, the idea is still not entirely satisfying. I feel that after dating BK for nearly 5 years I want and need something official. I want something special and in a small way- grand. Eloping does not feel like a celebration of commitment and loyalty and a vow to God and each other. I fear eloping would be more about the excitement and the spontaneity. It would be more about the sex. I do not doubt that even if we chose to elope that we would still be committed and it would be special, but it is not what I want.

I want a wedding. I want to celebrate our love, God's love, our commitment, and speak vows for everyone to hear. Perhaps there is a romance in that that I crave. But also- I think I enjoy the idea that we love one another so much that we want to invite everyone to witness us proclaiming that love. We want to make our family and friends apart of that commitment and promise that we make to each other. We want to celebrate the last five years and the many years to come in a special way. I said "we" in those statements because I want "we" to want those things, not just "I."


Now, that is a big step. I've thought it and I've written it down. I believe it to be true. Yet- I have not made a decision on what kind of wedding to have, nor when or where.

BUT I feel a tiny bit closer. I think that I would like to get married as soon as possible, but I want the wedding enough to wait. I'm not sure how to work it out with jobs or anything like that. But I need to stop worrying and just trust that God is listening and working. God provides.

We have our second counseling session tonight. I am not sure how it will go in light of this past week. I don't if they will have any insights into this topic. I have a feeling they would be all for the eloping. But that may be a poor assumption.

This afternoon we are moving some things over to the new apartment. I'm excited about that.