Donations welcome.

I am going to throw up.


I saw the catering bill yesterday. It was WAY more than I expected. I immediatly felt a rush of sickness come over me- and it has not left me since.

The cost of this wedding has quickly sky rocketed into the double digits. I do not really know what to do about it. I know how it happened. It was all very innocent. I just do not know if I can take steps back. I suppose all I can do is just take a deep breath and go with the flow. But I am having trouble breathing.

I still have a week left at work, but I do not know if I can handle it....

I seriously feel ill.

I called my Mom and told her I felt sick about the catering total and how it was too much money. I told her I did not want them to spend that much money, how I had already put them into great debt over college and did not want to add to it. She said what I suppose I expected. She said not to worry- I had too much on my plate. I needed to let her and my Dad worry about it. She keeps saying- "This is a once in a lifetime event." She told me they spent X amount on my sister's wedding and this was 9 years later. She said I needed to stop- or I would have worry lines on my wedding. I was crying a little. I was kneeling in front of the filing cabinet at work- speaking to my mom on the phone- and crying.

She told me not to worry. God tells me not to worry. Ben said to me last night- even though I know he is pissed about the cost and this is not what he wanted...even though he feels those things he said, "Don't worry, It's just money."

I think money is at the root of all my worry.

I am trying not to worry, but I am finding it hard not to worry. I need to take a deep breath and pray, but I just feel sick and want to go home and get in bed and cry.

Maybe I need a swift kick in the pants.

deep breath...